Short answer: find out what specifically they hate before changing anything. "I hate madrasah" almost always means something narrower, such as a teacher, a friendship, being behind, or simply being exhausted at 6pm after a full school day.

The sentence lands badly because parents hear it as a verdict on faith. It very rarely is. It is a child using the only words they have for a situation they cannot describe, and the job in the first week is listening rather than deciding.

Do not react in the moment


Whatever you say in the ten seconds after your child says it will set the tone for the next month. If you look upset, they will learn that the subject is dangerous and stop raising it. If you dismiss it, they will stop raising it for a different reason.

"Alright. Tell me what the worst bit is" buys you time and gets you information. Nothing has to be decided that evening, and saying so out loud helps.

Ask better questions

"Why do you hate it?" gets a shrug. These get answers:

  • What is the worst part of the evening?
  • Who do you sit next to?
  • What happens if you get a word wrong?
  • Is there anything you like about it?
  • If you could change one thing, what would it be?

Ask them sideways rather than face to face. In the car, on a walk, or while washing up, children say considerably more than they will across a kitchen table with a parent watching their face.

The four usual causes

1. They are behind and embarrassed

The most common cause by far. A child who reads more slowly than the others and is asked to recite in front of them will do almost anything to avoid it. This is not a motivation problem, it is a dignity problem, and it disappears when the child catches up privately.

It is also easy to check. A few short checks in our guide on testing whether your child is really reading will tell you within minutes whether they are decoding or leaning on memory, and a child who is leaning on memory in a group class has good reason to dread being called on.

2. They are exhausted

School until 3.30, madrasah at 5. Some children have nothing left. Ask whether the same child is also difficult about homework and dinner. If so, the issue is the schedule, not the subject.

Tiredness is the easiest of the four to fix and the one parents are most reluctant to accept, because fixing it usually means doing less. Two evenings instead of four, or a weekend slot instead of a weekday one, will often end the complaints entirely without changing anything about what is being taught.

3. A relationship has gone wrong

A teacher who shouts, or a child in the class who makes them miserable. Children rarely volunteer this and will often deny it directly. Ask around it rather than at it.

Questions like "who is the funniest person in your class" or "who do you sit as far away from as you can" get further than asking whether anyone is being unkind. If the answer points at the teacher, take it seriously the first time. A child who is frightened of a teacher will not learn from that teacher, however good the teaching is.

4. They see no point

Common from around age nine. A child reciting words they do not understand, with no idea why it matters, will eventually ask why they are doing it. This one has an answer: teach them what the words mean. It is remarkable how often understanding transforms attitude.

Meaning does not have to arrive as a formal subject. A few minutes on what a short surah is actually saying, alongside normal recitation, changes what the child thinks they are doing. Structured Quran tafseer for kids does this properly, and it is usually the point at which older children stop treating madrasah as homework.

What tends not to work


  • Pushing harder. A child forced through at nine often stops entirely at fourteen, when you can no longer make them
  • Rewards for attendance. This teaches that madrasah is something to be endured for payment
  • Comparing them to a cousin. This has never once worked
  • Removing it entirely at the first complaint. Children complain about school too
  • Long talks about how lucky they are. True, and completely ineffective on a tired nine year old

What tends to work

  • Fix the specific problem. Behind? Private lessons for a term. Exhausted? Move to the weekend. Wrong teacher? Change teacher
  • Reduce, do not remove. Three evenings to one, plus something at home, keeps the habit alive
  • Teach meaning alongside recitation. The single biggest attitude change we see
  • Let them see you learning. A parent who is also studying changes the frame entirely
  • Protect one thing they like. If there is one part of the evening they do not mind, keep it and build outwards from there

If the problem is that they are behind

This is the case worth acting on quickly, because the gap widens on its own. A term of one to one work, three or four short sessions a week, is usually enough to bring a child back level with a group they have fallen behind.

Go back further than feels comfortable. Rebuilding letter and harakat recognition through the Noorani Qaida is faster with an older child than people expect, because the ear is already trained and only the decoding is missing. Our note on how long Noorani Qaida takes gives realistic timescales.

Do not present it as a punishment or a demotion. Present it as the thing that makes the embarrassing part stop, because that is exactly what it is, and children understand that trade immediately.

Should you change the setting?

Sometimes the answer is yes, and it is not a failure. A large evening class works well for confident readers and badly for children who need to be heard individually. If your child is quiet, behind, or anxious about reciting aloud, the format is working against them before anyone has done anything wrong.

The comparison in online madrasah vs local mosque madrasah covers the trade offs honestly, including what a child loses by leaving a class of friends. Before moving anywhere, work through the questions to ask an online Quran academy, and ask specifically how they handle a child who has fallen behind.

Talking to the current teacher

Go with observations rather than complaints. "He says he is scared of being asked to read out" is something a teacher can act on this week. "He hates your class" is not.

Most teachers will already have noticed and will be glad of the opening. If the response is defensive, or you are told your child is fine when you can see they are not, that in itself is useful information about whether to stay.

At home, change the temperature

If every conversation about the Quran in your house is a negotiation, the child associates the subject with conflict rather than with anything else. Practice is usually where this starts, and the approach in our guide on getting a child to practise without arguing is designed to take you out of the role of enforcer.

Keep some contact with the Quran that has nothing to do with performance. Listening in the car, reading a short surah together with no correction, or letting them hear you make mistakes are all ways of keeping the door open while the main problem is being sorted out.

How long to give it

Six to eight weeks after you change something specific. Less than that and you are reacting to a bad fortnight, more than that and you are hoping rather than deciding.

Track it loosely. Note how the evening went in one word, twice a week. Parents are unreliable narrators of gradual change in both directions, and a short record stops you from either panicking or missing a real decline.

Common questions

My child says it in front of relatives and I feel judged


Answer briefly, change the subject, and deal with it privately later. Managing an audience and a child at the same time usually ends with the child being told off for honesty, which is the opposite of what you want.

Should I let them stop for a while?

A short, defined pause is very different from stopping. A month off with a stated return date can reset an exhausted child. An open ended break tends to become permanent, because restarting is harder than continuing.

They are fine at school but hate madrasah

That contrast is informative rather than damning. It usually means something specific about the madrasah setting, most often the time of day, the group size, or one relationship. Work through the four causes above before concluding anything about their attitude to religion.

What if it really is about faith?

It occasionally is, more often around thirteen or fourteen than at nine. Arguing rarely helps. Questions taken seriously, and an adult who does not panic, help a great deal, and this is the age at which understanding what the text actually says matters most.

The long view

The goal is not a child who completes a syllabus. It is an adult who has a relationship with the Quran. Those two things sometimes point in different directions, and when they do, the second one matters more.

Almost every parent who has been through this describes the same shape: a difficult few months, one specific change, and a child who is fine afterwards. The thing that made the difference was almost never pressure.

Related reading

If the problem turns out to be that your child is behind and knows it, a term of one to one teaching usually settles it. See how our lessons work.